Keeping you posted

Well I am glad more people are reading my post. And the advice is great. I have had a lot of trouble sleeping lately and I think partly because I still sleep next to him. I mean I don't want him to be a complete jerk while living there and trying to get out. I mean he thinks we are going to work it out but still realizes that we fight everyday about everything and I am sure he notices that I am not wearing his ring and am not going to put it back on. He just doesn't make sense, like right after he told me he wanted to take a break from one another the very next day he was very nice??? I just can't fall back into his game anymore. And by the way I wanted to thank the person that commented on my last post making me look like a great and sexy person. I never get compliments like that and it was very nice. I had a night off from the kids last night, the 2 girls were spending the night at their cousin's house and t.j spent the night at my mom's for the second night in a row. I think that they will be the hardest part of this break up.
I am still job searching and it is not looking that great for now, just because everything takes so long. I will probablly have to get a waitress job or banquet serving job. I mean I used to make like 9-10 dollars/hour doing banquets, the hours were long and it was strenious work but good pay, plus it got me away for a little bit. I think I am going crazy being at this house for more than a few hours.
My plans for the new years eve thing aren't that exciting and will probablly get me into trouble that I just don't need, but I need a break. I don't drive on that day because of all the police and drunk drivers. So I, Ted, my brother, chris(ted's friend) and a few others plan on staying in a having a few beers to ring in the new year. Plus since yesterday my insurance is cancelled because we couldn't afford to pay the bill. I have never drove without insurance, now I will have to go to my Dad and ask him to pay for my insurance and the cheapest kind at that, being bonded. That means I am covered under whatever I drive but it doesn't cover the vehicle, so if my vehicle gets damaged then I get screwed. Unless it is the other persons fault.
Can someone tell me what is like to be happy with someone? What I should expect so to speak, or I guess how a good guy would treat me? I want to believe that stuff that happens in the movies really can happen.

Comments

I read other people's blogs on a semi regular basis, but it will be more regular now that I am doing nothing, no work, no school and all that jazz. I have been doing this blog thing for a few months now and am starting to get the hang of it. If there are any of you out there that are reading this and want to know anything about me just post, it can even be anonymous. I will try to contribute all I can to this blog page because it helps to keep me sane. Living with a guy, taking care of his 3 kids, having 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 iguanas. I need all the sanity I can get. When I first started blogging only one person commented on my posts, now I am getting all kinds of posts, it is encouraging and gives me more reason to post on my blog. Christmas was pretty good this year, the kids got a lot of stuff and if it weren't for "santas" out there they would not have even had a Christmas. Most of the stuff they recieved was given to us for them. Too bad it only lasted about 1 day, then the excitement is over, the cheer is gone, the cleaning begins, the days go back to normal. And my other half became an instant jerk the very next day. I don't even think he knows why he is even like that. I am still not wearing his ring, and nor will I. I am looking for a job that I can get using my newly recieved degree in sociology/ law enforcement. If anyone has any ideas or input it would be greatly appreciated. I am sort of in the door when it comes to a job in stark county but I still have to sift through the paper work just like everyone else.
As for now I am doing a lot of nothing, I am doing some major cleaning around the house and after that I am going to get back to some reading, and some craft stuff that I haven't had 'time' to do in a long time. and also put in applications and all that. I just want a job that is going to take me places and pay me well enough to live not have to worry about getting shut off notices and wondering how I am going to eat. Well I am looking forward to hearing from all of you.
Question: If you could have one thing in the world what would it be? (suggestions, old boyfriend, car, something sentimental?) Let me know in the comments.

Dear Justiene,

Setting scene: At Ohio State, me and my friend Amanda were walking around trying to find kegger parties to attend. At this time I had no fear of anything, I just walked up to these guys that were walking down the street and started talking to them, one of which I clicked very well with. We ended up not going to a party after all, instead we walked around campus and I showed and told him all I knew about that place. He was from Cleveland and still in high school (senior) then I showed him my favorite place to go when I just wanted to be alone or think..the little kids park with swings in it. I love to swing, something about that weightless feeling and just not having any worries in the world.

She's the kind of girl I would sing about if I was in a band, but I can't sing. If I was good with a brush, I would paint a picture of her, I would try to capture her carefree smile as she soars on the lonely swing. If she would let me take a picture of her, I would try to catch her as she held the door for a stranger. If I could draw with a pencil, I would sketch her standing , with her haid wet from a shower as she looks into a mirrror and makes designs in her hair. If I didn't always hit my thumb instead of the nail, I would build her the tree house she always wanted...but never had. But, if her car blew a head gasket, I could fix it. If she needed her computer fixed, I could probablly do it. If she wanted a loud stereo in her car, I could do that too. If she wanted to lean on my shoulder, I think I could do that. If she wanted to get lost on a road trip to nowhere, I think I could probablly manage to do that too.
If I wanted to learn about anything else, I could ask her. If I wanted to tell her something I could and she would understand with a smile. If I needed someone to watch over me, she would care. She's nice like that and so much more.
J.D
(I know what you are thinking Delilah, but I don't know how to contact him anymore, and I was stupid and didn't see him for who he was when I knew him)

Christmas-being single?

O.K, since my well whatever he is has 3 children 2 of which are living with us, I have had the countdown until christmas for more than a month now. Officially there are 3 days including today until the BIG day. That means only 2 shopping days left. Thank God I am done, we haven't had that much money, so much of it was given to us, but I still had to go out there in that craziness and pick it up. I just started thinking and I never really let any of you know of my situation. I have just been complaining about it. I will give you all a shortened version of it.
It all started about 5 years ago. Right after I graduated from high school I went away to Ohio State, where I had proceeded to talk to ted on the phone and we became very good friends. As some of you may know Ohio State is one of the biggest party campuses on God's green earth so of course I did some of my own. I lived in the dorms so my parents didn't know too much about it, until I came home and they read my diary. Then they kicked me out and I had nowhere to go but to my Aunt's who unfortunately was on drugs at the time. I was trying to escape a crappy little 2 month relationship I had just gotten out of with a guy that was also staying there. That didn't work out to well and I ended up running away from that as well... right into the arms of Ted. We then moved down to Arkansas with my Ted's daughter and my brother. (yes I took my brother, I am not going somewhere I dont know anything). We couldn't find work so we came back up here, my brother got his own place but I was IN LOVE?? i guess so I moved in with Ted's mom and sister and her two kids, and his brother and his son, yes it was a house full and not clean in any way. It was very hard living. I felt no offense to anyone reading this but I felt like I was stuck smack dab in the middle of a west virginia brall. I mean these people are just plain bad, trailor park trash type people. Anyway right before I was about to lose my mind Ted and I got our own place and he got all three kids to move in with us. That was a lot to handle but I knew he was a package sort of deal. I loved it at first, but he didn't work a steady job just went out and said he was working (later I found out what he was really doing) LYING. Anyway. After about 1 1/2 years of keeping all of teds friends in our house for time to time (never alone as a family) I started to watch Ted's brother's kids. Jeff is his name. He only has 1 child but the girl he had the boy with had one already sort of like Ted, and he took care of her, then the girl (Joann) had another kid with Jeff's cousin. (see the west virginianess) Anyway, no judgement right, so I was working a regular job until she offered me what I was making there to stay at home with ted's kids and her kids, I was like GREAT!! I loved being at home. So I started watching yes 6 kids none of which were mine, then later on I started noticing things, like lying, being out late, showers as soon as he would return home, all that stuff you hear about cheaters but don't want to believe. Then he lied to me for another YEAR and I knew the truth but didn't want to realize I knew the truth I guess. We broke up and I was ready to leave, then he asked me to marry him and I said no like 3 times, but then I broke down and said yes??? He said he would never do it again, he didnt know what he had until it was gone, all that crap. Keep reading it gets better, and I am almost done.
So now we live in a house on north hill with 2 out of 3 of his kids, the lease is in both of our names, He thinks I am seeing the guy I posted about, (which I am not to save our relationship), We have lived here a little over a year, and we just celebrated, if you can call it that our 4th aniversery in September. He left me a message yesterday that we should 'take a break from one another'. I have been wanting to leave him for a long time but have no where to go, and still in my heart love him, plus call me stupid but how can you take a break from someone you live with. Oh yeah I wasn't wearing my ring yesterday so he took it. He must be serious about this whole taking a break from one another thing.

Please tell me what you think....

Frustrated

I just want to know why do I put up with so much crap? Or am I putting up with crap? I mean do I really have it all that bad, I just can't take this life anymore. I mean don't get me wrong I am not going to do anything stupid so that is not what I am saying I just want a very BIG change to occur in my life and I want that change to occur soon. Ted and I fight all the time and we fought again yesterday surprise, surprise. I am not even sure what we fight about anymore. Well then today I had nothing going on except to finish my papers before grades were do. So that is what I have been working on all morning, I call ted on his break at like 9:30am and he says he don't feel good that he probablly don't even want me to bring him lunch and I hadn't heard from him all day, so I assumed he hadn't changed his mind, so I call him to tell him I am working on getting my papers done and that I wasn't going to bring him lunch, then he text messages me that he wants food, so I call him back to tell him that I could bring him food just a little bit later, he freaks out and says that I am ignoring him and all this crap and that he doesn't mean anything to me. So we hang up on each other rather than saying something either one of us will regret. So then about 5-10 minutes later I get this text message that says..."I think we should take a brake from one another." What the heck is that all about, all that I have been wanting for a really long time, but answering me this...how can you take a break from someone you live with. And are you just supposed to take a break like not see each other cause living together that can't happen, or does that mean he wants us to start seeing other people??? I am so confused at this point.
On a brighter and finally other note, I took the first test at Stark County sheriff's office, and I think I did really good, Now I have to fill out this extremely long application with the most detailed of information and turn it in withing 2 weeks, seems like a long time huh...but when you have to remember all the places you worked and all the pertinent info that goes with it, plus all the places I went to school and all their info, you see how long this is going to take. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all of you who are reading my blog as well. I think I would be doing a lot more screaming lately if I didn't have this thing to vent on.
I also wanted to note that I finally GRADUATED from college, it was getting a little iffy towards the end though because I didn't have things turned in and grades were no where near being good this semester with me taking 18 credit hours, 25 hours a week at the jail, the kids, Ted, home life and all that. But I really think I did it!! Yeah now I can get a real job and get the heck out.
Could still use some advice on the Ted and other guy thing (refer to last post).

Hello, hello, Is anybody out there??

I am getting frustrated because no one is reading my blogs. I feel a little insane because this is not only talking to myself now but it is actually written out. By the way things are not in the slightest way getting better between ted and I. We cant' even carry on a conversation without arguing. Just yesterday we were talking on the phone and ended it by hanging up on each, but not before yelling and cursing. If someone could post a comment on this as well... I have a question that has been urking inside. I had a crush on this guy in highschool, who doesn't right. Anyway he goes to Akron U, and I ran into him more than a few times, so more than just coincindence it seemed like. We started talking and even met up a few times, just to hang out nothing like that. It was going really good, only problem is I was living with Ted, we weren't even together anymore. Then I don't know what came over me, the lack of places to go or the love that I feel I have for him but I stayed with him (Ted) and promised him I wouldn't talk to this other guy....which I haven't but have wanted to so badly. I guess my question is this.... should I call this other guy anyway and keep talking to him? Or should I forget all those not so coincendental meetings and great times we shared? Plus it has been a few months since we last talked and I don't even know if he is seeing someone or lives in the same place or has the same phone number??? I wouldn't even mind just being friends we just seemed to really hit it off. Someone please give me some advice....

almost done

Oh boy, and I can't wait either. I guess if anyone besides Delilah is reading this you want to know what I mean. Well I graduate college this saturday. It has been a long hall as well and I can't wait until it is over. It has been very stressful and time consuming. Although I won't actually be done, done so to speak because I will be going to the police academy and probablly even going back eventually to get my masters, but done enough for now. Guess what... I broke down again, this time on the side of highway 62 in canton. This is getting old, but starting to seem more and more humurous as I go on. After I broke down I waited 5 mins then however it happened it started up again so I drove it to a gas station where surprise surprise they don't take $100 bills, who would've thought, so I had to go to another gas station and they took it, thank God. Then I drove my (at that point) happy butt down to Advance auto parts to try to get my car tested to see if I could just get the right part there and put it on myself, but ooohhh no of course they don't have that right machine, so I call Ted.....yes it gets better....keep reading....lol....he tells me to unhook this part, which I do then he says to start it up and see what it does..... and guess what....it doesnt start, my battery is dead now and I had to have the advance guy jump start it. Then at that point I waited for ted to come to rescue me right. Well he did, but men being who they are in their genes or something took the car and wouldn't wait 30 mins for me to finish my evaluation at the jail for me to follow him home. And guess what..... ( I know I say that a lot) he broke down...good for him... he had his boss tow him back to his work, but then he did finally fix it....for now.
I picked up my cap and gown yesterday and can't believe this is actually happening...pending my car doesn't break down on the way there...LOL. What next though?? What will I do with all my spare time??? Stay tuned to find out...