The Break Up

O.K, I will first start off by saying that my day has officially gone from bad to worse in a matter of minutes. First off I was bummed because I was taken out of the process for Stark County that means no job there. Then I went to this church group thing tonight with Delilah, and I had already told Ted that I was going, and almost backed out at the last second because I didn't want to fight with Ted when I came home. But Delilah conviced me to go and I am really glad I did. I had a lot of fun and it is great hanging out with people that don't use curse words as verbs, adverbs, nouns and well you get the point.
Here is what happened.
I went to Delilah's house around 5:40pm and then we went to the group thing around 6pm and we left there about 9:45pm or so. After that I didn't feel like going home right away because I knew what was waiting for me a big fight and I didn't want to deal with that at the time. So I stayed at Delilah's house for a few more hours, sorry guys to keep you awake. I left there about 12:45am and headed home. When I got there Ted's friend Judd was there and so I checked on the kids because there was no sign of Ted. They were asleep, I got T.J up so he could use the bathroom and on my way upstairs I noticed that there were messages on the machine and I couldn't hear them because someone was on the phone had to be Judd, as soon as I reached the top of the stairs he walks out of the bathroom and hangs up the phone. Said he was talking to his mom, yeah right, just keeping tabs on me for Ted.
When Ted got home, I was in the bathroom doing what most people do in there and using it, he just walks right in and starts yelling at me about how late I was and that I wasn't at no church until 1am. Then I went downstairs and yelled at him that it wasn't fair to accuse me of lying because I wasn't and blah blah blah f#$* this and f#*& that followed by I hate you and I was planning on leaving you anyways rolled out of my mouth and that I dind't want to be with him followed shortly after. He then said you can have the whole house to yourself I will be out in a few days.
Which means if I have any friends reading this I may be asking for a place to stay sooner than later. And I may not ask because I don't want to put anyone out and all. So I guess I will start my adventurous packing tomorrow. And try to get a storage shed for my stuff and live out of a bag for awhile. Hey it has to be better than this even if it is my car.

Hands Tied need advise

After reading Delilah's blog (www.delilahmiller.blogspot.com) I had to post on my blog. I need advice or to just convince myself that I am not crazy. Here is my situation in a nutshell. I live with a guy who has 2 biological children and one other (11years old) one that he takes care of and calls his own. Only she doesn't live with us, she lives with her mother, mother's boyfriend (Jack) and babysister 3 years old. (not Ted's). This past weekend the mother Leslie, was at work and her brother who is 16 was at her house with his friend Chris who is 18. They were there with Jack, Kaylin and the baby. Jack is not a responsible person by all means, and he gave the two boys beer to drink while they were there, then after he gave them beer he went outside to talk to a neighbor leaving the baby and Kaylin in there with the boys. Now this made me very mad and I got very angry with Leslie and Jack. But seeing as how we have no authority over this child we have to be careful with our actions and our words if we want to continue to see her. I told Leslie that she is not to leave her alone with those boys anymore. Well just last night she did. Leslie works at a laundry mat 2nd shift and doesn't get off until like 11pm. Well Jack went to pick her up last night and left the two boys, the baby and Kaylin there. Now this weekend Kaylin was supposed to come over to visit because she hasn't been here in like 3 weeks. I finally get her to call from Chris's cell phone and she tells me she doesn't want to go to this little girls sleep over/birthday party because it is boring there and all they do is watch t.v, so I asked her well what do you do at your mom's house she said I play with the baby. I said well that can't be fun, she insisted that she did not want to go, so I asked her if she wanted to come over to my house. She said no that she wanted to stay at her mom's house. And that Chris and the 16 year old were staying the night. I come to the understanding that she wants to stay because of the older 18year old boy is there. She does want to come over tomorrow but just for the night then go back to her mom's house because she has friends coming over to stay the night so they can go to chuckie cheese with her on Sunday.
See here is another reason I don't like Mom, she planned a birthday party for Kaylin and T.J whose birthday falls on the same day but 5 years apart for this sunday coming up at Chuckie Cheese. Only the weird thing is she didn't tell T.J about the party or us so that way we didn't make plans that day or so she could make arrangements for him to be picked up/dropped off. And she didn't even ask him about it or see if he wanted friends to go, or if he himself wanted to go.
Someone please tell me that I am not insane and that this other person is crazy and a lunatic for treating her children this way and is there anything I can do about it????

Interview

So in case anyone is wondering, I had an interview at Stark County this past Tuesday and I think it went pretty well. Except for the mishap on my application where I accidently admitted to a felony that I didn't even commit. But all was cleared up in the interview. I took a test about a month before the interview and apparently I scored 5th place out of 25 people so that isn't that bad. They told me they had only 2 postions open and that if they liked me and wanted me to go on that they would schedule me for a lie detector test soon. So now more waiting and wondering. I also applied at a few other places, one of which I am hoping to get a positon at as well. You see I have always had a knack for working with children. (adopting 3 of my boyfriend or ex boyfriend) just isn't enough for me I guess. Well I didn't really adopt them but 2 of them live with us and the other one calls me her mom when she is with me. Getting back to what I was saying was that I applied at Safe Landing as well. They seem to pay pretty well, this is in my field and I think I will really love working with the kids there, another great point is that it is just minutes from my house. So for those of you who read my blog regularly no car problems will hold me back from this job...LOL...:)
Other than that nothing really new, except I spent all day on Tuesday and Wednesday out of the house. On tuesday I went to a friend's house to watch her two wonderful children. They were both so well behaved and fun to hang out with. It was definetly a stress free night, plus I got to hang out with my friend for a couple of hours after she got off work it was nice. And on Wednesday I went to Salem again to go out to lunch with two of my Aunts, my Mom, and Grandma. She is doing even better yet, she walked around even more and she is not tired all the time I am so greatful she is feeling better and that we can get together like that. I am seeing hope.
Funny thing as well see as you have read I am not doing good with the person I am currently residing with and now to update you folks we don't even tell each other we love each other anymore. We are both just kinda here. So my friend gave me a time line of 240 loads of laundry until I will get out on my own. It sounds kinda strange but since I am hoping a few months to be a good timeline to get out on my own and save enough money to do so, she figured this would be a good way to keep track...
More words to live by... (Lyrics)
This is for all you girls about twenty-five
In a little apartment, just trying to get by
Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-o's
Wondering where you life is gonna go
This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one's for the girls
I want to think that I am a dreamer which defined means...one that dreams, a visionary, an idealist, also known as a habitually impractical person. Someone who escapes into a world of fantasy or someone who is guided more by ideals than practical considerations.
What do you think I am???? besides crazy

Tag?

I am not sure how this tag thing works so here goes. I went to my first post seeing as how I don't have 23 yet. and then went to my 5th sentence and here it is....
I got in this huge fight with my significant other yesterday and all is not well at the homefront.
I love games because I like to consider myself a kid at heart so let the tag begin.


1. go to your archive
2. find the 23rd post
3. find the 5th sentence
4. post the text of the sentence in a blog entry along with these instructions
5. tag 5 other people

Here are my 5 people so come and see.
http://jakery1.blogspot.com/ -----Jake
http://whichdescribeshowyourefeeling.blogspot.com/ -----Amy
http://timappleton.blogspot.com/ ----Applehead

and since I haven't been doing this long I am putting two that I have recently visited.

http://freewayblogger.blogspot.com/ ---freeway blogger (very political and anti war, just warning you)

Good luck to you all.

Resolutions

I usually don't do one myself because I think they are a crock of you know what I mean. But it just so worked out that I can start my new goal of weight loss and fitness at the beginning of the year because hey as you all know I have nothing better to do with my time. I know it is not good for a girl to reveal her weight and am not exactly sure why but I am not a typical girl. So I weigh 154 lbs. and I am 5'4" tall. That is not over weight as far as I know but it is for me. My goal and hope that you all keep me to it... is to be back at 120 lbs. That way I can fit back into my size 7 and be a happy girl. After all when I become single I want to look and feel good about myself. This is one way I can change myself for only myself. If that makes any sense.
Since I already posted once today this one will be short but I want to know if you have a resolution or not what is it or why don't you have one? Please let me know. I need something to do after all.

The Call

The Call... I was very nervous and why I am not so sure. I have been wanting to make this call for a very long time. I am not really even sure why I didn't. So yesterday was the day. I picked up the phone and dialed his number then things started to race through my head.... what should I say, how should I act. Then voicemail... I left a message asking him to return my phone call if he could. Then the number I left for him to call got shut off, my cell phone. In case you dont know yet this person is 'the other guy', we'll call him 'J'. Now I wont know if he tried to call me back or not. bummer. I finally get up enough nerve to call him and look what happens.
What should I do???
Someone post some comments giving me advice, should I call him back, not call him anymore?
Updates:
Ted and I are pretty much not even talking, we dont even barely look at each other, let alone touch. But it is peaceful and calm.
The kids are doing well, except I am not sure about Kaylin (she is the oldest and doesn't live with us) we can't call her all week because her mom doesn't have a phone and Kaylin has to stay with her mom's boyfriend while she is at work. She got to come over last week for about 5 mins so we could wish her a happy birthday. she didn't even come into the living room, or give her dad a hug or anything. I am so worried about her, I really always have been because of how much she has been through at such a young age. (quick version, her mom had her when she was 15 and didn't take so good care of her, she has failed Kindergarden, First, Second and Third grade and is currently failing fourth grade, she was 'passed' for the first 3 grades after repeating Kindergarden and still failing....she had bowed legs which her mother took care of and for that reason she had to go through a big surgery at age 8 and was in a wheel chair all summer, and so many people don't accept her as Ted's child because she is not biologically his 'mostly his family') So as you all can see this is why I am worried.
Let me tell you about what happened on christmas.
Christmas day we didn't get the kids until 2:30pm and we went straight over to my mom's house for dinner and to open their presents from grandma and grandpa (my mom and dad and brother) they did that and note*they were all bought for equally and treated all the same. Then off to Ted's mother's house and there it was not so nice, Brenda (ted's mom) bought more for Megan and less for T.J and almost just pitty gifts for Kaylin. For example her big gift was a big bag full of makeup (which I wasn't happy she 10yrs old was getting) and when she opened it up it was used... yes USED. There were pieces that were rubbed down and lipstick on the bottle lids, and pieces missing, when I brought this to her attention as nice as I could she proceeded to yell "this makeup isn't used", I said "yes it is, and if you kept the reciept we could return it no big deal" she then grabbed the makeup kit out of Kaylin's hands (very mean like) and took it into the dinning room, where she and Ted examined it, and took out all the 'used' pieces and handed it back to Kaylin. Oh My Gosh right... So needless to say we left and went to Ted's grandma's house...the kids' great grandma
Up there we were just there to visit, because she is very old and we didnt' expect anything, well guess who we should see there, but Brenda and she insisted that the kids look under the tree that there was something there for them from great grandma.... so they did and they could only find something for Megan, so Megan just put the present back under the tree and walked away she said it wasn't fair that they would only buy for her and then she wanted to leave, so the Brenda asked what was wrong and she told her, so then Brenda proceeded to make a fool out of herself and embarras Kaylin by taking the kids by the hand and taking them back to the tree only to find presents for Megan and T.J. NOTHING for Kaylin. So I told T.J to put it back and Megan already did for the second time and we were then leaving. T.J was a little sad because he doesn't quite understand yet being only 5. Brenda immediately noticed this and asked him what was wrong, he said Justiene wont let me open my gift, but he wasn't even really that sad. She said why, that is when the great grandma overheard what was going on and asked me "what are you too good for the things, are you to good for us here?" I was about to blow my top when Ted grabbed Kaylin and hugged her saying "LOOK THIS IS MY OLDEST DAUGHTER AND IF YOU CAN'T EXCEPT HER WE ARE LEAVING" And we did.
Sorry for going on but it just isn't the same without telling the whole thing. For some of my readers these are the West Virg. people. (surprised?)

Cleaning Mishap

I just had to share this with all of you since it was so funny. I wear contacts and they have been bothering me in the house lately, I thought it may because of the dust, so I decided to start cleaning out the heater vents today. I started with the cold air return and moved everything away from it and got the handy dandy shot vac. out and turned it on and started to suck away itchy eyes....well that is what I thought. Till I started to sneeze and then coughing and they I thought maybe I should take a little break, it had only been like 5 minutes though. When I leaned up to shut off the vacuum, the whole 1st floor of the house was filled with dust. Oh My God, is all I thought, what have I done, here the vacuum didn't have a filter in it and I made such a huge mess. I just started laughing and thought it was so funny that I had to blog about it. I also went to lunch yesterday with 2 of my aunts, sort of a surprise because I thought just one was going, my mom also went and my grandma. It was a lot of fun, we ate at Bob Evans in Salem. We talked, laughed and had such a good time just being together. My grandma is doing so GREAT as well, she ate really well and was using her hand really well (she just had surgery not that long ago and had no feeling up until about 2 weeks ago) We went to Wally world to do some shopping, well they shopped, I walked with my grandma because neither one of us had any money. (we are gonna start a club :) ) She walked all around didn't use a wheelchair or anything. She was so happy to spend time with her family. For christmas, we all got together and piched in money to buy her a rocker recliner for christmas to help her with her health. she is in a nursing home and was complaining about being in bed all the time, so we bought her a really nice recliner chair and it aparently is doing wonders for her health.AMEN.

Well I will write more tomorrow and until then, some words to live by....
You may never know what you have until it is gone, but while you have 'it' you should cherish it with everything you've got.

Sorry

I am starting off with an apology because I haven't posted in awhile, and now I am starting to get regular readers. Last night I went to a worship thing at my church called Praiz. I have been meaning to go but kept making excuses, well I read the title of the series that they were doing last night and just had to go. It was called "abusive relationships" and a lady from our church was speaking about a past relationship that she had been in, the whole entire time she was speaking I thought for sure she was talking about Ted. All the things she went through I was going through or still am. I couldn't believe it, and how I lost all my friends because they didn't understand why I didn't just leave him, and how I lost touch with my family. For such a long time I felt so alone in this huge world, he even told me that I had to stay with him because I had nowhere else to go. Well now that I realize this thing I have is bad and not good, I am starting to break back out of my shell and talk to people again. After doing this I realize that I have more places to go that he knows. It was a great experience and I am even thinking about going to the battered womens shelter to just attend some meetings, I think it can do me some good. Because now I am even thinking that I am making too much out of this situation and that it really isn't all "that bad". I mean it could be worse, but I know that it will get worse and that I have to leave now before it reaches that point.
On a happier note, I got a call for a second interview with Stark County, I can't wait. I have been praying to God and asking him to give me a chance to get out on my own and for so long I hadn't had that opportunity but now it is coming my way. Today I am going to visit with my Grandma who is in a nursing home in Salem Ohio. I am going with my mom, aunt and Grandma out to lunch and do a little shopping. My grandma has been through so much and I admire her for staying so strong. She is my inspiration most of the time.
I have been going out and filling out applications and interviewing all this week which is why I haven't had the time to post anything. And nothing good, all the part time or even full time jobs I have been applying for (while I wait for a good job too open up) are all easy desk jobs or waitressing jobs and they all have been saying that I am over qualified for the postions... errr that makes me so angry. I am just looking for something to put a little money in my pocket until I get a good job.
I want to leave off with a chorus to a song that has lifted me up and it rocks out.....
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
And I'm singing
Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive